From Tragedy to Parody

Given a chance, again, to alter the ending of Romeo And Juliet in a comic way, I don't know what to do. I really don't know what to do and change because it would be so drastic. I mean from tragedy to comedy? Are you kidding me? But anyway like I just said this is only if I would be given a chance. So this is how the story would go...

Friar Lawrence: Here Juliet, Take this vial and drink it. Don't try to use it as a facial wash because it won't work.I'm serious okay?
Juliet: I'm not that stupid Friar. If it was Peter here in front of you asking for the vial, then you should have said all that. You could even add that the bottle should be opened first because I bet his mind won't be able to comprehend. Anyway I'll go now to sabotage my wedding to that filthy kinsmen and take my own life away. Thanks and adieu!
(They both exit. Nurse with Lady Capulet enters)
Nurse: Oh my back it hurts. It hurts so much that it feels like i'm going to die in just a few moment. Oh my back, my back. Oh!--
Lady Capulet: Holy cow! What is wrong with you Nurse? Can you just keep all that pain inside of you and tell it out loud once again if there would be no one else to listen so you won't be bothering and ruining their lives? And I just remembered, given you the title NURSE, that makes you one right? And for that I am sure you could fix your own bone!
Nurse: Apologies my Lady. (to herself) My back hurts oh!...
(They both exit. Enters Juliet)
Juliet: Oh death, would it be any other thing that would take away my life? I'm surrendering myself to you for 42 hours!
Juliet drinks the vial. Takes her death position in her four-poster and there she fell asleep. Morning came and the Nurse enters.
Nurse: Mistress! Hey don't be a lazy bone on your wedding day! Hey lamb! Sweetheart! Get yourself a week of sleep after this. I bet Count Paris won't let you get much rest.  Alright, and amen. How sound asleep she is. I must wake her up. Madam, Madam wake up or your count would be the one to take those feet off bed I bet. Oh heaven and earth! Lady Juliet's sleeping soundlessly and, does that means she's dead? Oh mi god she is. Where should I keep her body? Or should I? Oh my I didn't kill her. I'm going insane ughhh.
Servant enters.
Servant: Mistress Peter is dead! He drank a poison which he thought was a wine. And why are you crying like that as though the news came faster than the one who'll report it? (looks at lady Juliet) Is she dead? This is such a horrible nightmare we can't hardly wake up.
Juliet smacked her lips forcefully.
Juliet: That stupid Peter is not dead and neither am I. That filth took my vial thinking that it was his wine. How come his wine would be placed in a small bottle huh? Damn his existence! I hope he'll never come back or else I'll mark his own graveyard I promise.

Juliet had gone straight to Peter and with all her might, beat him that he woke up from such pain. Romeo came from nowhere as though he was a ghost or something and took the Nurse with him thinking that it was Juliet (He didn't even wondered that the Nurse is 3 times the size of Juliet) and when he was about to kiss her, Juliet came and threw a pan right over his face and his lips touched to buttocks of the Nurse. Prince Escalus came but the half-insane Juliet barraged a fake snake to his horse and the horse galloped uncontrollably and bombarded the Prince far away with a mark of hose shoe on his face. They all exit.